3……. Why did I want to move so badly?
If you’re looking for some “tea”, because of that hook you’ve come to the wrong place. So, Allow me to reintroduce myself (Thanks Jay-Z) I’m Makiya born and raised in California. I ask myself so often why, just why!? did I want to move from my hometown away from my parents and brothers so eagerly!…. Not to brag, but I truly believe I had the best parents anyone could have supportive, not “too” protective.. Dad wasn’t crazy strict and Mom wasn’t a “helicopter mom”.. both very loving parents to say the least, yet I wanted to get out the house right after college, the only thing I can really assume is that’s everyone’s mindset right after high school, right?
There’s so many times most recently a month ago where all I wanted to do was just move back reasons mainly, because I felt so lonely in Los Angeles. Then on top of that feeling stupid, dramatic, and embarrassed for feeling lonely in a place I lived for almost 2 years. Lying to friends/ family who asked if I was “finally” starting to adjust to Los Angeles. Why did I lie? Like I said I was embarrassed it’s almost been 2 years and I still feel like I have no one? Not even a good friend to call up out here? So, because of all these thoughts running through my head one very boldly stuck out to me… “why did you want to move so badly?” knowing you had no one out there.. knowing your shy self has only knew the city you’ve lived in.. you don’t know how to adjust!!!
There were times I’d cry to my parents, almost begging to come home and saying that I’d go to the nearest community college in my hometown, because I just couldn’t do it anymore I wanted to give up on the reason I had moved to Los Angeles which was to continue my education.. I don’t want to see any replies or comments saying
I didn’t come out here to make friends, I came to go to school.. if that’s going through your head then just stop reading, because you wouldn’t understand…
I think the reason I decided to write this was for many reasons… I was never alone my my parents and brothers were a phone call and face time away.. I made myself believed that since I moved away to go off to college I should have it all together and not bothering my parents with everything I was going through especially me being embarrassed about not fully adjusting yet. I didn’t want them to worry and certainly didn’t want them to feel sorry for me (that’s the worst!!) Another reason I’m writing this is maybe they’re so upcoming college freshman that are much like me a bit (or A LOT) of an introvert, have never moved out their hometown where they’re FORCED to adjust make new friends, learn a new area, etc. or are just a little scared. Don’t feel like you can’t pick up the phone to rant, cry, laugh, or share how you’re feeling with your family when you’re feeling “alone” in a brand new area that is away from home. My mom has helped me overcome some of my feelings too, but my dad is lecturer and every once in a while (KIDDING!!!) he open eyes my eyes on a new way of thinking… especially when I’m feeling down and alone AND if you’ve read this far in I’d like to share what he recently said to me… “God has you in a position that will make you focus on who you are.” you interpret that how YOU want to, but it spoke to me at that time and still till this day.
I’d like to finish this post off with something else positive… I do feel I’ve finally adjusted and it’s the truth this time (sorry for lying before!) I do finish at my fashion school at the end of summer so that’s exciting! I didn’t give up!!! If you’re tryna find some “moral” of this post and you’re like okaaaaaay and what Makiya??? Sorry maybe there isn’t one (or maybe there is YOU tell ME) Also, if you enjoy more “authentic” and “raw” thoughts from me let me know!